She can no longer walk. As of last Friday, actually, she couldn't stand or put pressure on her feet. Its wierd. One day she's shuffling from the bedroom to the kitchen almost every 15 minutes. The next day, she can't hold herself up.
We tried using a walker that we had here at the house, but she could not hold herself up. So, my dad went and got a wheelchair.
It helped a little, but neither of us has much experience with transfering. I think I hurt my back trying to pick her up yesturday. She's like a bag of sand. Heavy, weighty. Now, Dad is touring care facilities. Looking for something suitable and affordable. He tells me the starting price is $4100/month and the prices goes up from there. The selling points they lace in their pitch such as: daily activities, brightly colored rooms, flat screen tvs, etc. really don't have much revelence in our case because she sleeps most of the time. We wake her to offer her water and food or to check on her bathroom needs. That's it. She has little interest in food, people or her surroundings. It's amazing how things have changed from a week ago. Shocking actually. And I'd really like to leave. Run away. Go surfing. Put my head in the frigid water and shock my ears with the sound of crashing waves. Yesterday, I actually visualized packing my van and driving away. I was going to tell my dad that I reached my threshold and can no longer deal. I was planning to drive to the beach house where I would be safely away from the pain of watching them both suffer. But, I'm still here. Trapped in a way. Because, how can I leave. She's my mom.
1 comment:
Oh, Kristine, this is one of the most difficult times you will likely, and hopefully, go through in your life. You're doing well, the best to be expected. hang in there little one - I'm glad to hear you and your pops are looking into other options.
You're in my thoughts.... V
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