Its December 25th, 2009. I'm at the beach house alone, hiding, trying to regain my strength. Last weekend my mom had seizures. They frightened me so badly I don't know if I can go back to help them anymore.
We called 911 when the first one happened. Then we brought her back home because the doctors couldn't tell us anything. Plus we only wanted "comfort care". The second one was worse, so we drove her to emergency ourselves. They kept her a day or two, adjusted her meds, said she had a full blown urinary tract infection and that she was a 1/2 point short of qualifying for Hospice. The criteria says a patient should not be able to say 6 words in a row, and miraculously she did. After nothing but chanting for the past two months. So my dad took her back home. I was against it. But it wasn't my decision.
Something inside of me broke. Like a huge crack in a frozen pond, or a tear in the blacktop.
I'm too frightened to see her again. The seizures were so bizzare and primal and I can't seem to shake them from my mind. I've held people before who were having an epileptic seizure, but this was so much worse. My dad is exhausted. I am too. We didn't spend Christmas together.
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