Vows

After talking with my dad's sister tonight about why he doesn't want to move mom into a nursing home or foster home, she told me that he said, "till death do us part". So, I may have been wrong in my speculation about why Dad won't put mom in a care facility. At first, I thought it was the shock of the expense, and the "spend down" in order to qualify for Medicaid, and his belief that she will be neglected in one of "those places". Then, I thought he was afraid of feeling some kind of guilt if he moved her into a facility. Then, I thought perhaps he made some kind of promise to her in the last few years. But, my aunt said that he feels he needs to take care of mom because of the vows they made when they got married. What can you say to that.

While my mom suffers with the disease, my dad suffers too. He isn't free to live his life as fully as he could. He still sleeps in the same bed with her, partly because its natural and partly because she is looking for him. She insists upon holding his hand while she sleeps. Her nightmares cause her to call out in the dark, which makes it hard to rest beside her. Sometimes she tries to get out of bed, and falls to the floor. I hear the "thump"and run across the hall to see dad picking her up and and taking her the bathroom. It makes for a rough night.

Dad doesn't have many social outlets and he doesn't go to mass anymore. That's because there is no one to watch over mom while I'm away. He could go to mass, and do other things on the weekend, if he would allow someone other than me to be a part of the care giving team. But, he's not ready for whatever reason. So, he doesn't see his friends and doesn't go to church.
I think he is losing some of his faith. I've been hinting to my sister and brother that someone invite Dad to Christmas mass so that he won't be alone on such a special day. We'll see what happens. I'll be here to look after mom, so for sure he can go to mass. I just don't want him to go alone.

He wants to take a welding class, which I think it great. The class is for 11 weeks, half days on Saturdays. I guess I could change my schedule and go to the beach two other days during the week, so that he could take this class and go to mass on Sunday. It didn't dawn on me till just now. The one problem is, that if I find a job in the next 3 months who'll take over my post?
Again, the issue of not having another trained helper comes up. I wish he could see how important this is. But, he doesn't want to have a stranger in the house and he doesn't want to pay the hourly fee. So, I don't know how we are to make plans and proceed.